Ballade Of Unfortunate Mammals
Dorothy Parker
Love is sharper than stones or sticks;
Lone as the sea, and deeper blue;
Loud in the night as a clock that ticks;
Longer-lived than the Wandering Jew.
Show me a love was done and through,
Tell me a kiss escaped its debt!
Son, to your death you’ll pay your due—
Women and elephants never forget.
Ever a man, alas, would mix,
Ever a man, heigh-ho, must woo;
So he’s left in the world-old fix,
Thus is furthered the sale of rue.
Son, your chances are thin and few—
Won’t you ponder, before you’re set?
Shoot if you must, but hold in view
Women and elephants never forget.
Down from Caesar past Joynson-Hicks
Echoes the warning, ever new:
Though they’re trained to amusing tricks,
Gentler, they, than the pigeon’s coo,
Careful, son, of the curs’ed two—
Either one is a dangerous pet;
Natural history proves it true—
Women and elephants never forget.
L’ENVOI
Prince, a precept I’d leave for you,
Coined in Eden, existing yet:
Skirt the parlor, and shun the zoo—
Women and elephants never forget.
