Two Husbands
Robert William Service
Unpenitent, I grieve to state,
Two good men stood by heaven’s gate,
Saint Peter coming to await.
The stopped the Keeper of the Keys,
Saying: “What suppliants are these,
Who wait me not on bended knees?
“To get my heavenly Okay
A man should have been used to pray,
Or suffered in some grievous way.”
“Oh I have suffered,” cried the first.
“Of wives I had the wicked worst,
Who made my life a plague accurst.
“Such martyrdom no tongue can tell;
In mercy’s name it is not well
To doom me to another hell.”
Saint Peter said: “I comprehend;
But tribulations have their end.
The gate is open,—go my friend.”
Then said the second: “What of me?
More I deserve to pass than he,
For I’ve been wedded twice, you see.”
Saint Peter looked at him a while,
And then he answered with a smile:
“Your application I will file.
“Yet twice in double yoke you’ve driven . . .
Though sinners with our Saints we leaven,
We don’t take IMBECILES in heaven.”
