Jokes : One Liners

I always try to avoid cliche's like the plague! -Rev. Wang Zeep
I am dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.
I am not in denial!
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
I bought some batteries but they were not included, so I had to buy them again.
I can do without the essentials, but I must have my luxuries. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I can go for more than seven days without sleep... so it's a good thing I sleep nights.
I can imagine a world with no hate, no crime, and no violence. I could also imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

Next : I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either., I can resist everything except temptation., I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit., I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving., I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder., I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables. So many channels. . . So little choice., I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian., I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. - James R. F. Quirk, Portland, ME, I don't care about Y2K. Guess you could call me Y2K complacent., I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Previous : How come wrong numbers are never busy?, How do people plead insanity? Who's gonna believe a crazy person? -Richard Guindon, How do you get off a non-stop flight?, How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?, How do you write zero in Roman numerals?, How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?, How Long is a Chinese man... How Long is his name., How many people do you know who have actually READ their entire insurance policy and are prepared to discuss it intelligently? -Richard Guindon, Humpty Dumpty was pushed!, Hypochondria is the one disease I have not got.
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