Jokes : One Liners

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables. So many channels. . . So little choice.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. - James R. F. Quirk, Portland, ME
I don't care about Y2K. Guess you could call me Y2K complacent.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

Next : I don't know what your problem is, But I bet it's hard to pronounce., I don't repeat gossip. So listen carefully..., I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it., I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier., I don't take drugs - I'm not even an athlete., I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not. - Alan Smithee, I don't think you can really know how heavy something is until it has fallen on you. - LeMel Hebert-Williams, I don't think, therefore I am not., I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common? -Ashleigh Brilliant, I don't use Listerine. They say it kills germs on contact and I don't like the idea of things dying in my mouth.
Previous : I always try to avoid cliche's like the plague! -Rev. Wang Zeep, I am dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated., I am not in denial!, I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and..., I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?, I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween., I bought some batteries but they were not included, so I had to buy them again., I can do without the essentials, but I must have my luxuries. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I can go for more than seven days without sleep... so it's a good thing I sleep nights., I can imagine a world with no hate, no crime, and no violence. I could also imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
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