Jokes : One Liners

I may be 25, but I have the intelligence of a 27-year old.
I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can lose weight!
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
I said no to drugs, but they didn't listen!
i souport publik edekasion
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Next : I swear to god I'm an atheist., I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers., I think, therefore I'm paid., I thought learning to play the bagpipes was hard, until I realized I was just strangling an ostrich. - Craig Stacey, I took an IQ test and the results were negative., I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure., I used to be conceited. Now I'm perfect., I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out., I used to live for sex Now I'd die for some, I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Previous : I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff., I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide until it goes away., I learned French in six easy liasons., I like cats, they taste like chicken., I like the open road, but not the open plumbing., I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor., I love cats ... they taste just like chicken., I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by., I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?, I majored in Liberal Arts. Would you like fries with that?
Index : Sanjeev.NET : Trivia