Jokes : One Liners

I swear to god I'm an atheist.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
I think, therefore I'm paid.
I thought learning to play the bagpipes was hard, until I realized I was just strangling an ostrich. - Craig Stacey
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
I used to be conceited. Now I'm perfect.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I used to live for sex Now I'd die for some
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Next : I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink., I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...., I wanted to go the Paranoids Anonymous meeting, but they wouldn't tell me where it was., I was born in 1958. That's the room right next to 1957., I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way., I will give up my pun when they pry my cold, dead zingers from around it., I will not be briefed or debriefed, my underwear is my own., I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few., I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Previous : I may be 25, but I have the intelligence of a 27-year old., I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can lose weight!, I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast., I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks., I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day., I said no to drugs, but they didn't listen!, i souport publik edekasion, I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone., I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
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