Jokes : One Liners

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
If Milli Vanilli fall in the woods, does someone else make a sound?
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If Olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose!
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If psychiatrists check out people's mental state, who checks out the psychiatrists??
Next : If she's still ugly, have another beer., If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?, If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?, If something doesn't absolutely, positively have to be there tomorrow, you can always hang on to it until it does., If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?, If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?, If the shoe fits, get another one just like it., If there was a bi-sexual pride parade, would it go both ways?, If they discover mother's milk causes cancer, where are they gonna put the warning?, If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
Previous : If I didn't have to work so hard, I'd have more time to be depressed. -Ashleigh Brilliant, If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms., If idiots could fly This place would be an airport., If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today., If it wasn't for my faults, I'd be perfect., If it wasn't for venetian blinds it would be curtains for us all., If it's raining, this must be a weekend., If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? If you lick the air, does it get wet?, If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?, If Mama Cass had given Karen Carpenter half of that ham sandwich they would both be alive today.
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