Jokes : One Liners

You can't have everything, where would you put it?
You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
You have to keep a watch on the Swiss.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.
You have to take the bad with the worst.
You know how most packages say Open here . What is the protocol if the package says, Open somewhere else ?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
You know when your old when your trying to get a tan, but you can't because the vultures are blocking out the sun.

Next : You know you live in a small town when before you have sex with the local prostitue, you have to meet her parents., You know you live in a small town when the guy at the local convenience store speaks English., You know your old when you walk into an antique store and someone tries to buy you., You know your old when your social security number is 000-00-0000., You look intelligent. However when you open your mouth the effect is spoiled., You may be recognized soon. Hide., You only lose when you decide to ..., You will be cursed: all your children will look like you., You'll never be the man your mother was., Young Man: Why do philosophers ask so many questions?
Previous : Wouldn't marathons be a lot more interesting if after the race started, hungry wild animals were released onto the course? Tigers would be fun. - R.M. Weiner, Xerox does it again and again and again and..., Ya gotta feel sorry for all them convicts in New Hampshire, stampin' out license plates that say Live free or Die., Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache. -Ashleigh Brilliant, Yesterday I knew nothing, Today I know that., You always find something in the last place you look., You are wasting your time., You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind., You can never fall off the floor., You can't buy happiness but you can lease it.
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