Jokes : One Liners

Wouldn't marathons be a lot more interesting if after the race started, hungry wild animals were released onto the course? Tigers would be fun. - R.M. Weiner
Xerox does it again and again and again and...
Ya gotta feel sorry for all them convicts in New Hampshire, stampin' out license plates that say Live free or Die.
Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache. -Ashleigh Brilliant
Yesterday I knew nothing, Today I know that.

You always find something in the last place you look.
You are wasting your time.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
You can never fall off the floor.
You can't buy happiness but you can lease it.

Next : You can't have everything, where would you put it?, You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track., You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you., You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you., You have to keep a watch on the Swiss., You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is., You have to take the bad with the worst., You know how most packages say Open here . What is the protocol if the package says, Open somewhere else ?, You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?, You know when your old when your trying to get a tan, but you can't because the vultures are blocking out the sun.
Previous : Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?, Windows: Just another pane., Wink, I'll do the rest!, Wisdom is running after mankind ... ... but mankind is quicker !, Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition., Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are beautiful., Words can not describe the deep feelings I have for you ... But Bitch comes pretty close., Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy., Work is for people who don't know how to fish, Work is the curse of the drinking class.
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