Jokes : One Liners

Your photographs do you an injustice. They all look like you!
You're driving me Nucking Futs!
You're not getting older, you're getting ancient.
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.

Next : 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2., 24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?, 24 hours in a day...24 Diet Cokes in a case...coincidence?, 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park., 667, Neighbor of the Devil., 78.2% of all statistics are meaningless., 90% of being smart, is knowing what you're dumb at., 95% of the Fords made in the last year are still on the road, 5% made it home., A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory., A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead.
Previous : You know you live in a small town when before you have sex with the local prostitue, you have to meet her parents., You know you live in a small town when the guy at the local convenience store speaks English., You know your old when you walk into an antique store and someone tries to buy you., You know your old when your social security number is 000-00-0000., You look intelligent. However when you open your mouth the effect is spoiled., You may be recognized soon. Hide., You only lose when you decide to ..., You will be cursed: all your children will look like you., You'll never be the man your mother was., Young Man: Why do philosophers ask so many questions?
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