Jokes : One Liners

A broken heart is better than a shattered pelvis.
A camel is a horse designed by committee. A brontosaurus is a salamander designed to Mil-Spec.
A city in Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs. It became known as Dogless Fairbanks.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A closed mouth gathers no foot in the ass.
A collision at sea can ruin your entire day.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.

Next : A day without sunshine is like night., A fine is tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well., A friend is someone who will help you move your furniture. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body., A friend of mine confused her vallium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't give a shit., A good day is when you wake up without a chalk outline around your body., A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up., A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says Why the long face?, A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house., A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance., A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
Previous : 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2., 24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?, 24 hours in a day...24 Diet Cokes in a case...coincidence?, 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park., 667, Neighbor of the Devil., 78.2% of all statistics are meaningless., 90% of being smart, is knowing what you're dumb at., 95% of the Fords made in the last year are still on the road, 5% made it home., A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory., A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead.
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