Jokes : One Liners

God is dead and I want His job.
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God was a bitch. That's why testicles are on the outside.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Going to Hell when I die would just be redundant.

Graffitti seen in Pompeii : Everyone writes on the walls but me.
Grass is just natures way of saying hi.
Gravity is because the earth sucks.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Had a cousin once who was the town drunk. Not that unusual really, unless you considered the fact that he lived in New York.

Next : Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants but none of the offspring survived. --MAD magazine, circa 1960, Happiness is a belt-fed weapon, Happiness is a positive cash flow., Happiness is merely the remission of pain., Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling., Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on a milk carton., Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now !, Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?, Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac., Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
Previous : Genghis Khan is looking for a few good barbarians., Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life. - Terry Pratchett, Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day Teach a man to fish, and you can get rid of him for the weekend., Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks., Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day., Give me ambiguity or give me something else., Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money., Go ahead, make my data!, God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th., God didn't create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six days and pulled an all-nighter.
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