Jokes : One Liners

Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants but none of the offspring survived. --MAD magazine, circa 1960
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
Happiness is a positive cash flow.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on a milk carton.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now !
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

Next : Having a no smoking section in a restaurant is like having a no peeing section in a swimming pool., He has a small piece of brain lodged in his skull, He lived his life to the end., He turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed., He was such a poor sailor tht he got seasick at the sight of salt water taffy., He who hesitates is sometimes saved., He who laughs last thinks slowest, He who laughs last, thinks slowest., He who laughs, lasts., He who puts his nose to the grindstone is a bloody fool.
Previous : God is dead and I want His job., God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier., God was a bitch. That's why testicles are on the outside., Going the speed of light is bad for your age., Going to Hell when I die would just be redundant., Graffitti seen in Pompeii : Everyone writes on the walls but me., Grass is just natures way of saying hi., Gravity is because the earth sucks., Guns don't kill people, postal workers do., Had a cousin once who was the town drunk. Not that unusual really, unless you considered the fact that he lived in New York.
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