Jokes : One Liners

I drive this way to piss you off.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
I feel much better, now that I've given up hope. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I fell sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's as good as they're gonna feel all day.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I had an hour glass figure, but unfortunately the sand shifted.
I hate graffiti. In fact, I hate all Italian food.
I hate public opinion. Ask anyone.
I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it. -Ashleigh Brilliant

Next : I have just discovered the truth, and can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I have not yet begun to procrastinate., I have seen the truth and it makes no sense., I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense!, I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock ever other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three., I is a college student., I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?, I just hope God grades on a curve., I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die., I know somewere inside of me there is a sober man trying to get out. A six pack usually shuts him up.
Previous : I don't know what your problem is, But I bet it's hard to pronounce., I don't repeat gossip. So listen carefully..., I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it., I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier., I don't take drugs - I'm not even an athlete., I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not. - Alan Smithee, I don't think you can really know how heavy something is until it has fallen on you. - LeMel Hebert-Williams, I don't think, therefore I am not., I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common? -Ashleigh Brilliant, I don't use Listerine. They say it kills germs on contact and I don't like the idea of things dying in my mouth.
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