Jokes : One Liners

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....
I wanted to go the Paranoids Anonymous meeting, but they wouldn't tell me where it was.
I was born in 1958. That's the room right next to 1957.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
I will give up my pun when they pry my cold, dead zingers from around it.
I will not be briefed or debriefed, my underwear is my own.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Next : I work very hard Please don't expect me to think as well. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I would have e-mailed you sooner, but my cat ate my mouse., I would have to say that my favorite movie of all time is Annie. I especially love the part where DeNiro plays Russian Roulette in the VC prison camp. Wait, that was The Deer Hunter ... Oh, what the hell -- I love 'em both! - Dave George, I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me., IBM: You can buy better, but you can't pay more., I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode., I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous., I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice., I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Previous : I swear to god I'm an atheist., I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers., I think, therefore I'm paid., I thought learning to play the bagpipes was hard, until I realized I was just strangling an ostrich. - Craig Stacey, I took an IQ test and the results were negative., I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure., I used to be conceited. Now I'm perfect., I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out., I used to live for sex Now I'd die for some, I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
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