Jokes : One Liners

I work very hard Please don't expect me to think as well. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I would have e-mailed you sooner, but my cat ate my mouse.
I would have to say that my favorite movie of all time is Annie. I especially love the part where DeNiro plays Russian Roulette in the VC prison camp. Wait, that was The Deer Hunter ... Oh, what the hell -- I love 'em both! - Dave George
I wouldn't be paranoid if everyone didn't pick on me.
IBM: You can buy better, but you can't pay more.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Next : I'd rather have lobsters on my piano than crabs on my organ, If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?, If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?, If a donkey is an ass and a sheep is a ram, how come a ram in the ass is a goose?, If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?, If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?, If a turtle didn't have a shell, would it be considered homeless?, If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?, If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?, If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Previous : I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink., I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...., I wanted to go the Paranoids Anonymous meeting, but they wouldn't tell me where it was., I was born in 1958. That's the room right next to 1957., I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way., I will give up my pun when they pry my cold, dead zingers from around it., I will not be briefed or debriefed, my underwear is my own., I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few., I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
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