Jokes : One Liners

If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you're probably heading the wrong way.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you can't Dazzle them with Brilliance Baffle them with Bullshit.
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. -Ashleigh Brilliant

If you die on an elevator, be sure to press the UP button.
If you do what you have always done, You will get what you have always gotten.
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
If you don't have someone tracking you down you haven't exhausted your credit options.
If you don't let me make you happy, I'll make you suffer. -Ashleigh Brilliant

Next : If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them., If you don't like the news, go out and make some., If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people., If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life., If you go outside with your umbrella, then it will stop raining., If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children., If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?, If you know any teenagers in prison, send them some candy to help them break out., If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn 365 useless things. -Ashleigh Brilliant, If you make something idiot-proof, someone, somewhere, will make a better idiot.
Previous : If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap., If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy., If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?, If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started., If we learn by our mistakes then I am getting a fantastic education., If we weren't meant to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can., If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?, If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?, If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?, If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
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