Jokes : One Liners

If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If you go outside with your umbrella, then it will stop raining.

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you know any teenagers in prison, send them some candy to help them break out.
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn 365 useless things. -Ashleigh Brilliant
If you make something idiot-proof, someone, somewhere, will make a better idiot.

Next : If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?, If you think the problem is bad now. . . just wait until we've solved it., If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody., If you throw a kitten out the window does it become Kitty Litter?, If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?, If you took all the students who fall asleep in class and lined them up end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable., If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative., If you were to strangle a Smurf, what color would it turn?, If you were to sweep me off my feet.......you would have to be a broom., If you would lift me, you must be on higher ground.
Previous : If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you're probably heading the wrong way., If you can't convince them, confuse them., If you can't Dazzle them with Brilliance Baffle them with Bullshit., If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?, If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. -Ashleigh Brilliant, If you die on an elevator, be sure to press the UP button., If you do what you have always done, You will get what you have always gotten., If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed., If you don't have someone tracking you down you haven't exhausted your credit options., If you don't let me make you happy, I'll make you suffer. -Ashleigh Brilliant
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