Jokes : One Liners

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If you think the problem is bad now. . . just wait until we've solved it.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you throw a kitten out the window does it become Kitty Litter?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you took all the students who fall asleep in class and lined them up end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.
If you were to strangle a Smurf, what color would it turn?
If you were to sweep me off my feet.......you would have to be a broom.
If you would lift me, you must be on higher ground.

Next : If your only tool is a hammer, all your problems start to look like nails., If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either., If you're always right, something's wrong., If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?, If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!, If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate., If you've enjoyed this half as much as I have, then I've enjoyed this twice as much as you., I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bag pipes. - George Carlin, I'll stop procrastinating tommorow., Illegitimum non carborundum
Previous : If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them., If you don't like the news, go out and make some., If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people., If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life., If you go outside with your umbrella, then it will stop raining., If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children., If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?, If you know any teenagers in prison, send them some candy to help them break out., If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn 365 useless things. -Ashleigh Brilliant, If you make something idiot-proof, someone, somewhere, will make a better idiot.
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