Jokes : One Liners

It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop.
It's not true that oysters make good aphrodisiacs. I tried a dozen once and only six of them worked!
It's okay to love your pets, but just don't love your pets.
It's possible that my whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. -Ashleigh Brilliant
It's really quite a simple choice: life, death or Los Angeles. -Ashleigh Brilliant

I've changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now.
I've finally figured out why you always have that stupid grin on your face ... You're stupid!
I've found the secret of happiness - total disregard of everybody. -Ashleigh Brilliant
I've got a mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

Next : I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes., I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do., I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away., I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities., I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves., I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in., I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think., I've never seen a woman make a fool out of a man without a lot of cooperation., I've suffered enough, when does my artwork improve?, I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exagerating.
Previous : It's all fun and games until someone looses and eye, or their virginity., It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it., It's as bad as you think, and they are out to get you., It's better to be looked over than over looked., It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank., It's impossible to fool proof anything because fools are so ingenious., It's lonely at the top, but you eat better., It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money., It's not an optical illusion it just looks like one. - Phil White, It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
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