Jokes : One Liners

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've never seen a woman make a fool out of a man without a lot of cooperation.
I've suffered enough, when does my artwork improve?
I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exagerating.

Next : Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician, Jack Kevorkian for White House physician., Jesus is coming. Look busy!, Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole..., Join the fight against brutality., Just because a doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is., Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?, Just remember kiddo, shit makes a garden grow., Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off., Just remember... You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
Previous : It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop., It's not true that oysters make good aphrodisiacs. I tried a dozen once and only six of them worked!, It's okay to love your pets, but just don't love your pets., It's possible that my whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. -Ashleigh Brilliant, It's really quite a simple choice: life, death or Los Angeles. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I've changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now., I've finally figured out why you always have that stupid grin on your face ... You're stupid!, I've found the secret of happiness - total disregard of everybody. -Ashleigh Brilliant, I've got a mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states, I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
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