Jokes : One Liners

My sister used to work for the government, but now she has seniority.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
My son the alchemist he turns gold into drek.
My uncle got a job as a diamond cutter. When I asked him where he works, he said I mow the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her... or something like that.

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
Nebraska, Gateway to Arkansas.
Necessity is a mother.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry. - Proverb

Next : Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing., Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested., Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience., Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous., Never call a man a fool; borrow from him., Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight., Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat., Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier., Never lick a gift horse in the mouth., Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
Previous : Most of my faults are not my fault. -Ashleigh Brilliant, Multitasking - screwing up several things at once., Murphy was an optimist., My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker., My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy., My inferiority complex is not as good as yours., My kid had sex with your honor student., My parents were so poor they got married for the rice., My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure., My reality check bounced!
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