Jokes : One Liners

Never argue with a fool. He may be doing the same thing.
Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

Next : Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful., Never meddle in the affairs of Wizards: it makes them soggy and hard to light., Never moon a werewolf., Never pass a snow plow on the right., Never put off till tomorrow what you can easily do the day after., Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely., Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected., Never say no., Never sell a bear skin before catching the bear., Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Previous : My sister used to work for the government, but now she has seniority., My software never has bugs. It just develops random features., My son the alchemist he turns gold into drek., My uncle got a job as a diamond cutter. When I asked him where he works, he said I mow the lawn at Yankee Stadium., My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her... or something like that., My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him., Nebraska, Gateway to Arkansas., Necessity is a mother., Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again., Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry. - Proverb
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