Jokes : One Liners

Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
Never trust anyone who always tells the truth.
Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Never void where prohibited.
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
News Flash: Microsoft acquires Electrolux, makes extensive design revisions. Finally releases a product that doesn't suck.

Next : No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck., Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded., Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!, Nostalgia isn't what it used to be., Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious., Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check., Nothing is as easy as it looks., Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse., Obviously you are unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world view., Oedipus was a nervous rex.
Previous : Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful., Never meddle in the affairs of Wizards: it makes them soggy and hard to light., Never moon a werewolf., Never pass a snow plow on the right., Never put off till tomorrow what you can easily do the day after., Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely., Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected., Never say no., Never sell a bear skin before catching the bear., Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
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