Jokes : One Liners

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Old accountants never die - they just lose their balance.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.

Old poker players never die, they just cash in their chips.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the escape key.
On the other hand, Rome was burnt in a day.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Next : On the surface, it appears that very little is happening... but underneath, NOTHING is happening., Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it will make it worse., Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?, One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe., One good turn gets most of the blankets., One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it., One seventh of your life is spent on Monday., Only the good die young, and only the young die good., Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings., Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Previous : No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck., Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded., Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!, Nostalgia isn't what it used to be., Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious., Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check., Nothing is as easy as it looks., Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse., Obviously you are unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world view., Oedipus was a nervous rex.
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