Jokes : One Liners

People usually deserve each other
People usually get what's coming to them... unless it was mailed.
People who ask Can I ask you a question? really piss me off. Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
People who live in grass houses shouldn't be stoned.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glass.

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time really piss me off. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
People who push both elevator buttons should get their wish.
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Next : Please return Stewardess to original upright position., Pollution costs us millions; grime doesn't pay., Preserve wildlife: Throw a party., Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!, Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have., Procrastinate now!, Procrastination is like masturbation... sure it feels good at first, but then you realize you're only screwing yourself., Procrastination is the flaw most of us keep putting off curing., Psychiatrists say that one out of five people are mentally ill. If four of your friends are OK, then you're the one., Push, Pull or Get Outta the Way.
Previous : Out of my mind... Back in five minutes., Outside every thin person, there is a fat person trying to get in., Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Mark, Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too., Patience will come to one who waits for it. - Richard Lauterback Moffett Naval Air Station, CA, People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs., People don't change; they only become more so., People don't judge your generosity by the amount of Advise you give away., People have one thing in common: they are all different., People look at you kind of funny when you walk down the street naked with a gun.
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