Jokes : One Liners

Talk about the high cost of real estate! The other day I went to a phone booth and called an agent to ask what could I get for $500 a month. He told me I was standing in it. -Jonathan Winters
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.
Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either.
Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist.
Tell me what to do and I'll tell you where to go.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Texans are living proof that Indians screwed buffaloes.
That shoe fits him like a glove.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

Next : The beatings will continue until morale improves., The best blanket is one with two legs., The best things in life are for a fee., The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does., The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope., The best way to win an argument is to start by being right., The Birch John Society Dedicated to the preservation of wooden outhouses., The box said Requires Windows 95, or better. So, I bought a Macintosh., The careful application of terror is also a form of communication., The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's meeting due to unforeseen circumstances.
Previous : Support Cannibalism -- Eat Me!, Support mental health or I'll kill you., Support the right to arm bears., Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!, Sure, everyone wants to save the whales, but not one voice is raised on behalf of the plankton! -Richard Guindon, Surf Nebraska!, Surprise your boss. Get to work on time., T. S. Eliot is an anagram of Toilets., Take me DRUNK, I'm HOME, Talent is the ability to convince people you have it.
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