Jokes : One Liners

The name is Baud......, James Baud.
The new IRS motto: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
The New York state bird should be the mosquito.
The odds are a million to one against my being one in a million. -Ashleigh Brilliant
The offices were very nice, and the clients were only raping the land, and then, of course, there was the money..

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
The only problem we have in this city is the secret police. If there is any gambling, narcotics, or prostitution, it's a secret to them.

Next : The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it., The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true., The other night during dinner my brother told a joke and I laughed so hard that milk shot out my nose. The creepy part is that I wasn't drinking milk. - Dave George, The ozone layer or cheese in a spray can... Don't make me choose., The Pentagon is a building with four walls and a spare., The perfect gift for people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord., The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday., The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick., The problem with getting a life is making the payments., The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
Previous : The impossible we do at once. The unimaginable takes three to five business days, The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire., The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxiy, The major cause of auto wrecks is a screw loose in the nut behind the wheel., The management of this establishment is not responsible., The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only deader., The more I get to know people, the better I like animals., The more I miss it, the meaner I get!!, The more people I meet The more I like my dog., The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
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