Jokes : One Liners

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The other night during dinner my brother told a joke and I laughed so hard that milk shot out my nose. The creepy part is that I wasn't drinking milk. - Dave George
The ozone layer or cheese in a spray can... Don't make me choose.
The Pentagon is a building with four walls and a spare.

The perfect gift for people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.
The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.
The problem with getting a life is making the payments.
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

Next : The rich are nothing but poor people with Yachts., The road to to success is always under construction., The saddest moment in a person's life comes but once., The Schizophrenic: an unauthorized autobiography, The secret of returning from Las Vegas with a small fortune is to take a large fortune with you., The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made., The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette., The square root of 5 is 2 for small values of 5., The statement below is true.

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The statement above is false., The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Previous : The name is Baud......, James Baud., The new IRS motto: We've got what it takes to take what you have got., The New York state bird should be the mosquito., The odds are a million to one against my being one in a million. -Ashleigh Brilliant, The offices were very nice, and the clients were only raping the land, and then, of course, there was the money.., The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy., The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep., The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth., The only one who ever got anything done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe., The only problem we have in this city is the secret police. If there is any gambling, narcotics, or prostitution, it's a secret to them.
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