Jokes : One Liners

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
When you're swimming in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Where did Vincent Van Gogh?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all ?
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
Where there's a will... I want to be on it.
Where there's a will...there's a relative.

Next : Which came first? The woman or the department store?, Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?, Who is General Failure and why's he reading my disk?, Who lit the fuse on your tampon?, Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?, Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?, Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?, Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?, Why are so many animals named after cars?, Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Previous : When their numbers dwindled from 50 down to 8, the remaining dwarfs began to suspect 'Hungry', When there's a will, I want to be in it!, When throwing rocks at seabirds, leave no tern unstoned. When painting baboons, leave no stern untoned., When VW Rabbits first came out, they still had a lot of bug s in them., When writing, always make sure your verb and subject agrees., When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case Heaven is like the IRS., When you don't know where you're going. . . Every road will take you there., When you drive you put your life in your foot's hands., When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn., When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
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